But once in a while, you pick the right thing, the exact best thing. Every day, the moment you open your eyes and pull off your blankets, that’s what you hope for. The sunshine on your face,warm enough to make you heart sing.
It always happened as soon as the sun would first touch her face…
The warmth and hope that came along with it made her feel a sense of comfort that she had never felt before. Just sitting there, eyes closed, her heart open. It made her feel as if she was given a brand new start. As if it took everything bad away, every negative thought and feeling. Tomorrow she could wake up, walk outside, and the sun would just wrap it’s arms around her and she would feel at peace. She would be okay. She was given this brand new day, how lucky
Carry your heart through this world like a life-giving sun
How easy it is to say that you would put the past behind and any memory that no longer benefited you. How easy it is to wake up and tell yourself that YOU would make yourself feel happy and loved. How easy would that be?
But nobody said that it would be easy.
Constantly in the middle of your heart and your mind. The worst war you will ever know. Your mind telling you that you’re smarter and stronger, begging you to run. Your heart convincing you that you will never know until you let yourself be so vulnerable and that every wall you worked so hard to build, all that time and effort, all those lonely nights, just let them go. Chase this because you deserve to know. Open up. Be vulnerable. Let it in. Your mind always screaming no, your heart begging you to please just this last time say yes.
All of a sudden, you let your heart win the battle. You put all your faith and effort into it and tell yourself it will be the last time. No amount of concern or distrust could stop it. She would let her heart lead the way because she was convinced that it would lead her down the right path. It would give her the chance to have that something, that easy and effortless something. Wholesome and kind. She told herself it would be different this time. She wanted it this way. For this was without a doubt the last time she would let her heart choose. The last time she would throw away any insecurity and just be her truest self. The last time she would allow anyone to make her feel safe and sound. She would make sure it was the absolute LAST time. She had to. She needed to. And God knows she deserved to feel it and find out if her heart was right.
But tomorrow and the next day and the day after that she will wake up, walk outside, feel the sun hit her face and choose to let herself feel. Feel every moment and just live in it. Let her heart guide the way every second. Even if it let her down. She deserved to know. She deserved to be happy if only for a tiny moment. She would never forget that the sun will go down every night just to rise again so bright and warm every single day. There will never be a “last time”.
Doubt thou the stars are fire, Doubt that the sun doth move. Doubt truth to be a liar, But never doubt I love.